The facility where my mom is has quarterly meetings. I admit that I did not attend them at first because, well, really no excuse, I just didn't. Anyway I started going to them when my mom started getting really bad and had been sent out to rehab two times for hitting other residents. The meetings before hospice consisted of me and the nursing home social worker. After hospice, the meetings consisted of me, the nursing home social worker, the nursing home unit (lead) nurse, the hospice social worker, a hospice nurse, hospice volunteer and sometimes the hospice chaplain. They go over her meds by reading all of them off and why she is on them. They talk about her overall health, her decline and ask if there is anything else they can do for her and if I need anything.
Today's meeting (9/24/14) was at 1:30. I got to nursing home at 1 and went to visit mom first. For some reason these meetings make me emotional. I started crying when I saw my mom and then the hospice social worker came in with one of the new nurses to check on my mom before the meeting. The social worker knew I had been crying so she gave me a hug.
We went to the meeting and went over all of the normal things and once again I cried saying that I wished she would have a heart attack, a stroke or something because I hate seeing her this way. They assured me this was normal. I asked why 4 people on her floor were walking around being way more active than my mom one day and then all of the sudden they are dead. Why someone who is bedridden is still alive and suffering. I wanted answers, I wanted relief for my mom, I wanted it to all end. In the meeting the hospice social worker asked me how often I visit my mom (she knew, but just wanted me to share with everyone else I think). I told her I try to come every other day and she asked "have you ever thought about giving yourself a break?" "NO". I want those who read this to know that I don't have a real job, so I am very thankful that I can spend a lot of time with my mom and I am richly blessed with family and friends who visit my mom when I am out of town, as was the case of the previous weekend when I was in Colorado.
The meeting lasted about 30 minutes, so afterwards I went back up to see my mom. I cried more and couldn't even contain myself long enough to leave. I crawled in bed with her and watched Ellen. When I am sad I like to watch Ellen, ha even when I'm not sad. I finally left after Ellen. I was ok to leave but cried a little more with my face to her face. Told her I loved her and left.
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